You scratch my back: The promantic comedy of #HiddleSwift

Tom and Taylor. #Hiddleswift Are you sick of it yet? Tired of the opinion pieces, conspiracy theories, soundbites, pap-staged photos? Sorry to have to break it to you, but in my heart of hearts, I believe they know, and don’t give a rat’s rear about our fatigue. However, this doesn’t give me acid reflux as much as one might assume.

Mismatched. Yes. At least superficially. But is this the first time in the history of “pro-mances” (professional romances: a win-win situation for both parties involved, and very little associated risk) that you’ve rolled your eyes, scratched your head and debated its legitimacy? This reminds me of the Charlize Theron and Sean Penn years, or the Catherine Zita Jones and Michael Douglas thing, or even the odd couple of Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudekis. These pairings were just as peculiar; all just as eyebrow raising as the next. Hollywood has a history of doing this to us. Feeding us stories, digging up fresh gossip when the well has gone dry, creating storylines seemingly out of thin air. Some are fabrications (no, there is absolutely no truth to Prince Harry dating Taylor Swift. That’s not a thing. Do not allow yourself the smutty fantasy.), but most have layers upon layers of truth and ulterior nuances.

Tell me this doesn’t happen in real life. Seriously. You can’t think of a time you were in a situation where you didn’t give a flippity do-dah about what your friends, family or peripheral acquaintances thought about your new arm-candy? You can’t search your heart and recall a time or two (or more...I’m not judging) when you fell for someone purely for looks, money, circumstance, function, pleasure or to cure an itch? Please. This is human. This is not an isolated issue in the thirty mile zone of the Hollywood strip.

So the question of legitimacy isn’t the one I’m asking anymore. The truth will come out in the wash, I’m not worried. The questions I choose to ask, are “why?” and “so what?”. Why are Taylor and Tom dating when it seems sudden, out of character and, at face value, arbitrary? Think about the win-win. What are the factors that make it such? Tom’s profile is on the rise and he’s close to shattering that B-list ceiling and landing in A-List territory. He’s going for Bond. He’s posed in his underwear for a major magazine spread (in case you’re not seeing the parallel, remember that Calvin Harris did the same thing.) and he was hand selected by Anna Wintour herself (the Ice Queen that neither Kim KW nor Victoria Beckham have had any luck seducing) to co-host the Met Gala this year. The same place we saw Hiddleswift dancing the night away like “no one was watching” (ya right) for the first time. So that’s his play. Taylor closed out her #yearofthesquad, then moved into a refreshingly long-term relationship with Calvin Harris. She needed that #squadlove to find herself again, without a man—you can thank Harry Styles for that and for the brilliance of 1989, just sayin’. Everything was in balance. A solid relationship, a tour that smashed records, and an album that’s as close to pop perfection critically and on the charts as you can get. But recently, there’s been something rotten in Denmark. Rumours about infidelity. Public exhaustion from overexposure of the same storylines. An audience hungry for new music that tops 1989’s near perfection. Kim KW accusing her of playing the victim. And recently, the end of her storybook romance with the boy from the other side of the tracks.

Perception is a drug not exclusively consumed in Hollywood. This is a girl who looked around and saw an opportunity to spend time with someone she deemed interesting, fun, and would take the edge off the pain of an open wound. She doesn’t need a perfect match right now. She may never find one. In recent history, Brad and Angelina may have been the only truly perfectly balanced match Hollywood has produced. Taylor doesn’t need to date Prince Harry in order to elevate her status. She doesn’t need the lift. What she does need, however, are ever-changing storylines and the kind of life experiences that will contextually shape her music.

So what? We shall see. I’m not going to allow myself down the rabbit hole to find the relevance of this relationship to my life. Where normally I would give myself that dirty pleasure, in this case I’m not even sure they are looking for meaning in this relationship. It’s a product of opportunity and need. If they go down the path of Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas boasting a 15 year marriage, I’ll consider a more careful reflection into the “so what?”. For now, enjoy the ride or tune out. It doesn’t matter. Trust me, they’re not bothered either way.