Who or what gets you through the tough stuff? Like, the really tough stuff. The heart break. The vice. The darkness. The illness. The letdown. The hopelessness. The weakness. The death. The longing.

Friends? Yes. Family? Of course. What else?

For me, it's music. The friends that know me best, will reach me through music during those rocky, shitty, I-have-no-words, I'm-so-sorry times. Hell, sometimes music is the only cure, the only elixir, the only drug that will carry me through. You can tell what my heart is suffering from simply by analyzing a sample of the music I'm listening to. These days it's Adele, Ryan Adams, Taylor Swift and Nils Frahm. I'm going through a break up. Clearly.

A friend texted me with her first break up anthem: "Unbreak My Heart" - Toni Braxton. Said she wore out the CD after playing it on loop for weeks in her room (Fuck you. It was the end of the 90s. CD's were the thing.) I laughed because, I've worn out CDs in similar situations. The Coldplay "Parachutes" album is played thin. That was Grade 9, and there was so much pent up adolescent anger and passion that the sultry falsetto prog-rock, piano driven melodies of Chris Martin and the band spoke to me in ways I can't ever try to explain. The Jack Johnson "Brushfire Fairytales" died a similar fate. It brought me out of a very, very dark place. I will be forever grateful to Jack and his ukelele.

Be careful. Music is powerful and addictive. Another piece of advice I got from a good friend was to "listen to Adele all you want, but mix in some Britney from time to time." She's so right. Music can, rightly or wrongly, take me to a completely different world in my mind – one where no other earthly world exists. I'm too ashamed to tell you how many times I've played certain ballads or power anthems. A song like that on repeat can be dangerous for me. I've escaped for days compelled by these songs on repeat. Truth. I blame Simon and Garfunkel for the first time my mom called the cops to find me. I had walked with my headphones on for close to thirty kilometres.

To quote my favourite movie, Almost Famous, "Listen to Tommy with a candle burning and you'll see your entire future." That can happen! I spent many nights lying on my floor, stereo speakers fixed beside my head, wiling away hours upon hours, dreaming of the life I wanted. I wept for my past, forgot about today, and envisioned what my future could look like. This started when I was no more than 10 years old.I still do it to this day. Perhaps this is why I've dated so many musicians.

What I've come to learn is that friends don't always show up. Family may not always have the right words to say. Music will always do both. I can count on it. No, Adele did not write that song for me but the lyrics are immortal, and the music takes me captive. If even just to get me through this tough stuff and on to the next.