Did the Emmys creep up on you the same way it did me? There are labyrinthine reasons behind everything that happens in the business of glitter, so have you figured out why the show was aired on a Monday night this year? I think I have. At least, I think I’ve peeled back a layer or two.

Did you notice the show was aired on NBC? As if it wasn’t the most painfully on the nose and overt shake up (typical of network television). There should’ve been laugh tracks and product placements. That would’ve been totally “on brand”. Anyways, Lorne Michaels was at the helm for this, the 70th Emmy Awards, and the cast of his show was the main event. I need to tell you that I love SNL. I love it for the one moment of pure brilliance that may or may not happen every week. There’s zero guarantee. Even in the Tina + Amy years. Even in the Kristin Wiig + Maya Rudolf years. Even with superstars like Kate McKinnon + Leslie Jones emerging more recently. There is not a single guarantee that your 90 minutes won’t be well or poorly spent. But I tune in every goddamn week with fingers crossed.

All this to say, that network TV is struggling to find its foothold in our content on demand zeitgeist. What do they have? Live. They have live sporting events, live late night, news, and live award shows. But Lorne Michaels knows the value of a strategic time slot. Sunday night is reserved for other live events this time of the year, like football…and end-of-summer patio life.

That’s my take on it. The show was on a Monday night because network TV won’t let “live” go from its cold, dying clutches without a fight.

If you watch award shows like they owe you something, you TOO could write pages upon pages of editorial commentary and one-sided discourse; I’m going to do something a bit different this year. 5 quotes. 5 thoughts. 5 snapshots of an annually important night.

“Ladies, when you use a public restroom, sit down. If you sit, we can all sit.” - Alex Borstein

Amen! Preach! Give that woman a goddamn medal or statue erected outside every washroom in every country in the world. I’m f*ckin’ serious. I’m printing this out in 48 Arial font and taping it to the back of every stall I enter in perpetuity.

You’re a PopWorm, so this statement means more to you than simply a public latrine’s “rules of engagement”. Ms. Borstein made me laugh, and then I got thinking; what if this was a comical yet poignant observation about women supporting women. Stay with me friends. The #MeToo and #TimesUp movement compel women (and male allies) to come forward and take action against inequalities, gender minimization and of course, sexual harassment at the hands of men. But we’ve long talked about women not being overly supportive of other women, particularly, in their fields. You don’t think, even for a second, that “if you sit, we all can sit” might resonate on a deeper, sub-surface level than merely a feeble attempt to curb women’s peeing etiquette? I do. I went there. And now, I’m printing out “if you sit, we all can sit” in hideous word art accompanied by an image of Rosie the Riveter or Michelle Obama and sending it to my local MP.

“I don’t even believe in God, but I’m going to thank her tonight” - Thandie Newton

There is SO much to unpack in this sentence! First, the joke of the night was that if you were Black, you’d thank Jesus. Then it started to get a little bit uncomfortable because people of colour were not winning in as high a percentage as we had (hoped) thought. So Thandie Newton wins for a show that didn’t receive any other serious nominations (let’s be honest with each other…you didn’t get through Season 2 of Westworld either), and she beat out a roster of heavy favourites (5 white women, 3 of which were in Handmaid’s Tale).

So the audience was waiting for the “I first need to thank God” trope. Instead, she pulls out a self-referential twist on the archetype (“Hey, I’m Black but that doesn’t mean I’m a Southern Baptist”), AND goes 90’s grunge on us with the "who says god is a MAN?!” proverbial middle finger.

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love somebody else?”  - Rupaul

We were all a little bit concerned after there was an entire opening song and dance number dedicated to the “most diverse Emmys ever”, when award after award was given to a straight white man or woman. Things were getting awkward, and I didn’t think much would change as they announced the Best Reality/Competition Show category. Yawn, the ambiguously Aussie/South African/Brit/Tasmanian white dude who hosts The Amazing Race would no question be up there accepting the award again. I wasn’t wrong to predict this outcome. The show has beat out every other nominee in its category 10 out of 14 times since Reality/Competition Show has been a stand alone category! The only other show with a sniff is The Voice - it’s won twice.

So when RuPaul’s Drag Race was called to the podium, I’m pretty Twitter went down for a few minutes in the Red States. The rest of us? We sashayed along with the parade of inspirational, hardworking, and ridiculously fabulous artists behind the show that “has released 140 drag queens into the wild”.

“Thank you. It’s an honour just to be…Asian.” - Sandra Oh

I see what you did there Ms. Oh. She already broke ground (long ready for a break) by being the first Asian Woman nominated for Lead Actress in a Drama, and she showed up to REPRESENT. I wasn’t so much shocked that Sandra was the first Asian nominated in this category as much as I was shocked she hadn’t been nominated before for her work in dramatic television.

There are some really important conversations to be had about the tongue in cheek reference to the classic white actress false modesty “it’s an honour just to be nominated” paired with the surprise ending of “just to be…Asian”. We need these conversations to happen, and while I doubt I’m the person anointed to start them, I’m certainly ready to support those who are.

Here’s an exerpt from Asian-Canadian blogger Lainey Lui (and my personal Letters to a Young Poet-esque Sherpa):

“…it’s a big ass deal for many of us, born to Asian immigrants in North America, to hear an Asian woman say on a major awards show, at the top of the show, that “it’s an honour just to be Asian”.  These are not words we hear often which, maybe, is why we haven’t believed it often. And it’s often our parents who help us to the realisation. It was that way for me and I’m willing to bet that it was that way for Sandra Oh.” - Lainey Gossip

“Will you marry me?” - Glenn Weiss  

In all my years watching every Award Show known to humans (usually twice or thrice over), I’ve never witnessed a proposal! This was a MOMENT! Ho-hum, the Oscars Award Show wins an Emmy for it’s production. This weird, incestuous relationship is still like a calculus formula using letters and numbers….like, what? Anyways, a long-haired, seemingly innocuous fellow receives his award for directing the Oscars, and out of nowhere reveals he just lost his biggest fan, his Mother. A hush falls on the crowd, then he quotes his mother by saying “never lose your sunshine.” and swan dives beautifully into a proposal to his girlfriend sitting in the audience!

Hey, there’s no business like show business Mr. Berlin. And THAT was a Hollywood ending.